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Ok apparently something messed up and my last blog wasent posted to Facebook..hopefully this one will be so you all can read my last blog London Olympics, The End As We Know it..I think we should all be informed of this…

London Olympics, The End As We Know It

Ok, first to understand what I will be talking about, please click the following links and read up on the illuminati playing cards (won’t take long and you will be very shocked) and please keep in mind that these cards were created LONG before the 9/11 attacks.

http://www.cuttingedge.org/News/n1753.cfm

Now, the London Olympics will be under way August of this year (2012) and in the planning for it, they are doing terrorist drills, have ground to air missiles for protection and have called up the military to be there and they expect this to make people feel safe? Here is another following link you should look at before we go any further (only a 3 minute long video, please watch especially if you didnt look at the previous link above).

http://www.endalldisease.com/illuminati-card-game-london-olympics-2012/

So strange coincidence? I very much doubt that. If you can look at either of these links and not think that there is something wrong with this world, and that they have not known all along and planned these “terrorist attacks”, then I do feel kind of bad for you. These cards were introduced back in the 80’s or early 90’s I believe and they predicted the future 9/11 attack, the oil spill, population control and the pentagon attacks not to mention epidemics and world war 3. All of this is already happening around us. Most probably don’t even know how close we are to world war 3 (and as of now, the states are giving weapons to the Islamics! aren’t they the ones we are scared of trying to start world war 3?!) So why is the U.S enabling a country that otherwise probably wouldn’t have the means to go to war with us, the ability to do it!? And as for the London Olympics, I hope you enjoy your life up until August because after that, this world will probably never be the same. They are censoring the Internet now (taking away our freedoms of speech and freedom of keeping informed), they are making it illegal in some parts of the states to even talk about situations having to do with the current wars going on, they are trying to create a one world currency (what’s wrong with being unique anyways?), hell in most parts of the U.S if you are a follower of or agree with Ron Paul, you will be jailed! And why is that? Because he believes in disclosing the truth and is against what they are doing over there as of now? The thing that really gets me however, is if you have more than 7 days of food stocked up in your house, you pay with cash or you disagree with anything the government stands for, you are able to be considered a “terrorist”. They are taking away OUR freedoms, yet we are the ones who can be considered “terrorists”? If you want to see the rest of the way they already have the world planned out, please follow the link below to take a look at the rest of the illuminati cards and when you do browse them and see all of them, keep in mind that as of now there is worldwide censorship trying to be put in place, project blue beam (the governments attempt to make us believe there will be a major ufo invasion to start martial law so they can fully take over), Haarp (weather controling systems all over the earth), people going missing all over the world after trying to disclose some kind of information the government doesnt want you to know, banks trying to create a “one world currency”, and MANY other things that are in the works as of now and have yet to come to pass…either way a majority of these cards (created in the early 90’s) have predicted a vast majority of events that have already happened or are in the process of happening RIGHT NOW….if you want to see the plans they all have for us, just browse through the cards and if you don’t believe, I don’t know how much more proof you need because if you need any more than has already been given, there are not very high hopes for you in this world.

http://media.adamdodson.org/index.php/Illuminati-Card-Game?page=2

2012

Well we are in the supposed  “end of times” this year. Many people see it in a different way, some believe it will be the end of the world as we know it, some believe it will just be the end…others don’t believe in anything at all which I find quite strange with the ongoings of today. As of now, I don’t know if it will be the end…but I do know it will be the end of life as we know it. It’s getting to that point now as it is. The fukushima plant is NOT stable, it’s still leaking out radiation that’s altering peoples cells all over the world, if you dont already have cancer from it, you will develope it over the years and if you think you won’t you are just plain crazy. NO amount of radiation is good for a person yet places all over the world they are shutting down Geiger counters because they are reading too dangerously high. Snow that’s falling in all parts of the world is showing to be high in radiation..in the snow! just imagine what’s already in the air! Besides that, animals mysteriously die all over the world as well…our poles are shifting a great deal now, enough that one country has actually entered a new time zone. More and more people are waking up to how corrupt the governments are and rising against them, internet is being threatened to be shut down and the solar activity as of late is incredibly active. They were actually warning people a couple weeks ago that some electronic devices may be screwing up or not working at all due to solar flare activity (which might I add is carrying tremendous amounts of radiation as well). Smart meters are being installed against our will, we werent even asked and they transmit, yep you got it, radiation! And you won’t just be getting it for YOUR smart meter but also the smart meters up to 2 miles away from you. Earthquakes and natural disasters, (which arent always natural, HAARP plays a HUGE roll in creating the disasters we see today such as earthquakes, hurricanes, basically anything to do with the weather HAARP has a hand in it..) are rising by about 150% this year alone..just google earthquakes in the last 7 days, see how many there have truly been..nothing like has ever been seen for earthquakes before.

So is the world ending? I don’t think so…but it’s already basically ended as we knew it. I don’t remember knowing it as this growing up. Will something major and bad happen this year? Probably…we are all already dying way faster now than ever before. There’s wars going on that will never end, terrorist threats every day, bombings, crimes against humanity (9/11 which was the BIGGEST crime against humanity I could ever think of…) So if you truly believe that nothings going to happen in 2012 you might want to stop looking up the conspiracy theory of it all and just take a look around at what’s already happening. You really think all of this can happen and it won’t have an effect on us and the world? If so, I feel bad for you that you won’t even see it all coming…you will be the ones who are unprepared and the ones who , most likely, won’t make it….the ones who’s worlds WILL end..not just the world as you know it…

 

http://youtu.be/qrdSphVUGs4 

Looking Up…

Well yesterday was Valentines day and I will admit, I’ve always hated it. Every Valentines day something goes horribly wrong. Bad news of some sort, break ups, fighting, it’s just always been a “holiday” that has too many expectations with it. But for the first Valentines day in my life,  I have to say I had an amazing one. I went to work, I tried (and mostly failed) to have the house clean before my boyfriend came home, and I got the most amazing card and flowers <3. We drank wine, had dinner (lasagna) and had a great night. I feel that what I got for him was a bit lame, (hockey magazines, a card and a kit kat bar). All in all though, it was still amazing and my views on Valentines day have changed significantly just because of 1 person…then again I do love that 1 person more than life itself so that could be another reason 😛

Also yesterday, I feel that some things got worked out with my daughter. By the sounds of things I’m not going to have to go to court and drag out a long fight! Sure my ex might be moving to Prince George to be with his girlfriend but oh well. The way I have decided to look at it is I can always work something out to take her for a week or two each month, (even though it is a 7 hour bus ride :S) but I’m not going to stand in his way…he apparently really likes this girl and if I had been kept away from my boyfriend I deffinantly wouldn’t be this happy and this optimistic about life right now…I would be heartbroken and a wreck :S. So maybe she will be the right one for him and keep him happy…and out of my life!

But things seem to really be looking up since yesterday :). My mom is also giving me her laptop so I can take my tablet back and stop making payments on it that I cant really afford so that’s another stresser that’s gone. I’ll also be able to keep up with my blogs more this way…even if people don’t really read them they’re still interesting to me, I like looking back on my life and seeing what my thoughts/feelings were years prior on what days at what times :P.

Smart Meters..More like Death Meters..

So we are again being forced to do something that has extreme consequences on our health without even having any kind of a say. These smart meters that hydro, and apparently water and gas companies, are installing without our consent have continuous exposure to radiation and may not even comply with FCC safety regulations.  And you’re not just being exposed to your smart meter transmissions, you are being exposed to the transmissions from smart meters up to two miles away as well! So if you are thinking, “well its just one smart meter, can’t be that big a deal”, no! No it is a big deal being exposed to any radiation really, let alone radiation from up to 2 miles away as well. As it is, thousands of geiger counters are being shut down in Canada due to them reading too alarmingly high due to the fukashima plant, which by the way is nowhere near under control or safe. That radiation has circled the globe and changed all of our dna structures already..those of us who dont have cancer yet from it, will develope cancer from it. So let add some more microwave and radiowave radiation to it I guess…basically lets see how much radiation the body can handle…that’s what it seems like they’re doing.

If you are noticing that you’re sleeping habits have gotten worse, or you have headaches a lot more, even if you notice asthma and ADD developing in children, it’s due to the smart meters. But even if you don’t notice any symptoms, trust me it is still causing irriversable long term health effects. Even if it wasn’t for the health risks and concerns, smart meters really are useless still! All they are doing is making it possible for hydro to become lazier and get paid more! They don’t even check the meters anymore..my sister who was getting bills for around $70-150 every bill suddenly got one for I believe it was $400 or so because they didnt even bother checking it…arent they suppose to check that shit out for like grow ops and shit?! Or you know, a broken meter?! But no…they have just become too lazy and dont give a shit anymore as long as they are getting their money. So please oppose the smart meters, and don’t believe anything they are telling you about fukushima either…we are all screwed from that one. Time to stop letting everyone else screw us too!

http://www.electricalpollution.com/smartmeters.html

History on Repeat..

“Within the core of each of us is the child we once were. This child constitutes the foundation of what we have become, who we are, and what we will be”

Maybe we are all doomed in our lives…it seems that mistakes will always be made, and history will always repeat itself. We all say that we are going to do better, be better than our parents were…that we are going to give our children lives that we never had…how many of us however, can say that we have succeeded in this endeavour? How like our parents are we?

I think we all spend so much time singling out the person who we want to most turn out the opposite from that sometimes we walk right into being that person without even realizing it. How can we not? The person we always want to be the least like is usually the person that had the biggest part in raising us..the biggest part in empty lost promises, the biggest part in causing unnecessary pain and emotional turmoil. Really, our futures are written for us before we even have a chance to realize. One thing I will never understand is why once your life starts down a path, you can never really change it. If your life started off miserable and painful, chances are you’re going to have that life forever…no matter how hard you try to be happy, you will always end up hurting others you love, you will turn out to become the person you never wanted to be, just the monster you were fated to be in the beginning. Yet those who grow up happy and loved will normally continue on that way…they will grow up to be respected and successful and happy…

In my life though I cant say much I guess…I grew up in a hard life, as many others did…I grew up hopeful however..I always thought that everything happened for a reason and that it would get better one day…I was an optimist I guess you could call it. Then I grew up and I saw that even though parts of my life would change, my life itself would never truly change. I grew up with good parts, and a lot of bad parts…one thing I learned how to do well was pretend. I cant even do that anymore though. When I’m unhappy or mad, I cant pretend to be happy…when I’m upset and sad, I guess I can still hide that a bit..until the breakdown happens and it all comes out. Am I broken? Maybe. Now though I see the downsides more than I ever did before. I get my family back, I can only think of what will happen down the line when they get tired of who I have become, I find someone I truly love with all my heart, and all I can think about is when that person will give up on the black hole that is my life…when it all just becomes too much to deal with. In a way I almost think history repeats itself 10 fold…

And then there’s our children…my child. What will she become? I don’t even know what’s to become of me yet..

Will she be like me? Will she be like her father? I hope she turns out like neither, I hope she turns out to be her own person…I pray that she brakes the chain. I don’t see that happening however. I turned out more like my dad and in ways I am proud of that…he is strong willed and he did always try his best for me, even if some of the things he did werent what should have been done, he did try. But in ways he is also weak, and in many ways, far too many, I am weak as well. I can’t say I want my daughter turning out like me, but I sure hope and pray that she doesnt turn out like her father either.I know I have weaknesses but I don’t try to destroy other people…I dont focus so much on other peoples lives simply because I’m mad and figure out ways to ruin their lives. I don’t make up lies and scheme with my friends to lie for me to make myself look better. So I guess maybe I do hope she turns out more like me.

So what will I become? I don’t know. Will I lose everything and end up as just nothing? Will my life finally turn around and allow me to be hopeful and optimistic again? Will I get to keep the people I love? I guess we will see. As of now every time things are going well, something or someone I should say just threatens it all. Will I die with nothing but regrets due to one person? That’s the question that scares the hell out of me…

The bad guy

So I guess I am probably going to be the bad guy soon..I am writing this because I know I will never be able to make anyone understand why I’m going to do what I’m going to do…as silly as it sounds I am in a situation that is just not good or healthy for anyone. I wish I could get just one person I love to understand.

I know evveryone istrying to help, but they dont get it. If I dont sign papers over to my ex for my daughter being in his care and for me paying $50 child support eacch month he will ruin my llife and the lives of anyone I hold dear..it’s not just that though…if I do sign these papers, the fighting with stop…it will all stay out of court and my daughter wont have to grow up llike I did…spiteful and resentful feeling like she is at fault for the fighting and the hurt and pain of everyone around her. Am I so wrong for wanting to save my little girl from the same fate as me?  Plus I know everyone says they will stand behind me and they will never let him get into their heads but affter 7 long years of knowing my ex and what he’s ccapable of, I know when push really came to shove so to say they would be gone and I really wouldnt blame them…and without the people I have now that I love so much I wouldnt be fit to even be alive let alone have a daughter…why am I such a bad person for just wanting to put an end to all of this? Why is $50 a month such a big deal to everyone else when I dont mind paying that for my daughter and when I would still be able to see her whenever I want as long as I give 24hrs notice? I just want someone to understand where I am coming from on this but I know they never will…to some maybe I will forever be the bad guy..but growing up my whole young life thinking that I was the ccausee ffor all the pain, that if it werent for me none of the fighting and arguing would have come to pass…I grew up with so much hate and resentment inside and never told anyone, never showed it, just lived with the anger over it all..why would I want to do that to my daughter? So I guess I will just be the bad guy because I wont put my daughter through that..I wont let her grow up like me, she deservves better

Where to begin…

Well I havent used this blog for some time now, apparently since September of last year. A bit has happened since then you could say..first, I must say that I am far happier now than I have been since I can remember. My life has not been the greatest in the past 22 and a half years or so. Dont get me wrong, I have had many fun and happy times…just not a happy life. I cherish most memories I have, the memories with my grandfather, the (few)memories I do have of my dad and I, all the memories of my friends, even the memories of the hardships growing up that my sister and I had to face together…it all made me who I am now. There are some memories I wish I could forget though too. Its almost kind of conflicting really because I love my daughter and wouldnt cchange anything about her for anything…but I sure do wish that I had made some different choices aand followed some different paths along my journey before having her. The relationship I was in with her father was one that I wish I could forget…I lost who I was, I lost the people I loved most…but I did gain a beautiful little girl…who I no longer get to really see much….not at all soon. Her and her dad will be moving to Prince George soon and as of right now and a weekend full of bullshit, he is hating me and gave me basically an ultimatum so the choice I made is one that is hard and hurtful, but hopefully for the best in the end. You would think tryying to help somebody that they wouldnt make up rumors and spread lies about you to try and ruin your life but there are all sorts of people out there I guess 😦 . But right now I am at a point in my life where I have a ton to be greatful for. I have an amazing boyfriend who I cant believe how in love with him I am and who I cant help but fall more in love with every day, I have my family back whom I thought I had for sure lost forever, I have my friends back, I have a great job (even though I’m not getting many hours it is still the best experience I’ve ever gotten from a job) and even though I still make mistakes, I am ffinding myself again..I havve deccided to quit smoking, I am trying to let go of the stress in my life like I used to be able to do before my ex and I am finding that I am becoming happier each day since deciding to turn thingss around. Of course I get help daily from those I love…and that’s the other thing I’m proud of mmyself for..Ive finally realized we all need a little help sometimes and asking for it does not sshow we are weak…that was a big problem I’vve always had and probably a big downfall in my life..maybe if I had asked for help more, a lot of the situations I regret would never have come into the piccture at all…so I guess at 23 I’m still learnning how to grow up a bit but I’m on the right track now. And I must say being truly in love is an amazing feeling! 🙂

My botched mole surgery..

Well after about 3 years of knowing I had to get my mole removed, I finally went through with it and didn’t chicken out this time. I really wish I had though. I guess instead of making an eye incision and taking out the mole then stitching it up wasnt what this doctor had in mind. Instead, the first time I get anything removed from my body ever and I basically get mangled. Instead, I guess it was a better idea to shave it off, then make continuous cuts under it until a root came out (not all of it though because I’m pretty sure some is still in there) and then just left it. No cauterizing, no stitches just a big gaping open wound that looks black. I am really hoping that I’m right and the blackening is going away, but I can’t properly look at it without wanting to throw up or almost actually passing out. If I had to do it all over again, I would not do it. It’s not worth it. And I know that biopsy is going to come back that everything’s fine so really I probably just maimed myself for nothing. And then being told after the doctor told me to keep polysporin on it for a few days to just leave it and cover it with a loose band aid because that will speed healing. I really don’t see how that’s possibly, I just want to make sure I’m not getting an infection so I’m going to have to find some way to put it on today. I sure do hate that I’m regretting this so much, from now on though I’m only listening to what I believe. I don’t care how much I get called childish and stupid because from listening about doing nothing to this wound, I am probably going to have the nastiest scar ever:( If anyone has any advice from a similar situation or even if you have just had a mole removed at any point please give me some tips. And please the major question I have is, Is it normal for the skin under the incision to go black for a bit? Is it just bruising? I am so scared so somebody please help me with this! 😦

If nothing changes, does it stay the same?

You always think life is going to change or things are going to change, but do they ever actually change? You go to sleep and a new day comes, but is it really a new day….or just the same day you’ve been living for years? Same people you talk to every day, same things you do, get up, shower, work, clean….sleep, get up, shower, work, clean…argue with people, the days you get money it doesn’t matter because it’s usually gone before you get it…it just really seems like not much every changes. We always make plans, have hopes and dreams and say to ourselves “this is going to change this time” but does it ever really? Or do things just change as long as we keep trying to make them change and just fall back in to the same places once we give up? The earth is round, maybe our lives just continuously go round and round as well. We learn new things but do we actually apply it too much anymore? We see things happening but do we ever do anything about it but complain? We are given many opportunities throughout every day but do we ever take them? Do we ever even notice them when they’re right in front of us? We will always deep down be afraid of whatever we have always been afraid of, we will never change for anything better (just look at all the wars and terrorism going on in the world), we will never live the way our lives are meant to be lived and we will never even care about it. Maybe it’s time to start applying our knowledge again…to start making changes in this world for the better instead of the worse and we need to recognize what we are given before it all gets taken away.